Alan, age 45
Even after surgery, the physical pain was never a real issue.
But the emotional distress was a different story. The injury threatened my sense of self as a healthy and vibrant man. It stressed my marriage. After the injury, it felt like my wife and I had reversed our usual roles. For example, when we traveled, my wife not only carried her own suitcase, she had to carry mine as well.
Right after surgery, I became even more dependent on her. It felt as though I needed her for everything. I grew short tempered over little things. She wasn’t a great nurse, but I know that I was an impossible patient.
I should have talked with her about my feelings. I should have let her know that I was scared to death that my leg was never going to be right. That would have helped. Instead, I grew more and more irritable, letting her know about every one of my complaints.
After about a week of this, my wife said that she needed a break. She decided to take a few days off to visit an out of town girlfriend. I felt abandoned and even more miserable. But I did start to do more for myself. I discovered that I wasn’t as helpless as I had been feeling. I also reached out more—getting practical and emotional support from friends. When my wife returned, at least I knew enough to keep my complaints to myself. But the issues didn’t magically disappear.
In retrospect, I can say that the ACL tear and surgery didn’t really cause the marital crisis, it just highlighted the problems that were always there. It pushed us to the edge, and it was the catalyst that forced us to do something about our problems. We got ourselves into therapy. It was hard, but, as a result of that difficulty, our relationship is better today than ever.